Hitting the wall

I am currently running the marathon of "PhD Thesis writing" and like most runners I have hit the wall just before the finish. No matter how well prepared I had been. I never thought I would get so overwhelmed with this. The final countdown to submission has officially started and I am halfway through my chapters. I have to keep on writing and writing. Less than 30 days away and I have to submit my dissertation to the Board of Graduate Studies of University of Cambridge. Gosh, it even sounds scary, imagine having to actually do it! My stress levels have hit the ceiling. Sometimes it feels I cant breath or that I will explode in a million flakes of stardust!

I ve been spending more than 14 hours a day writing. From work. I cant do it from home. Home is not perceived as a workplace in my mind so far, so it would be more difficult to concentrate. I would find a thousand things to do before sitting on my desk to write. But being at work keeps me disciplined. I usually have a 1 hr break during the day to go to the gym or go for a long run out. Gosh, I am so looking forward to this time of the day when I finally go out in the world. Today was the Eurovision Show and everyone was out in parties or pubs. I went to have dinner on my own and then back to the lab to write. It felt a bit pathetic but I keep reminding myself how important is what I do. I need to be focused. How much I want this. It is a battle against time and a battle against myself. I want to prove everyone wrong and make it. Because there is so many things out there I want to do. Experiments to finish, meetings to attend, books to read, people to interact with, family to meet, holidays to enjoy, myself to take care of. I have missed all these things lately...

In a parallel universe, the cycling competition Giro d' Italia has been taking place in Italy this past week. Exhausting miles through the mountains every day. Different stages to compete against time and other teams. One of guys in the peloton, Pedro Horrillo fell of a hill as he was cycling fast through a descent and suffered serious injuries. The hill was so steep, he was actually traced only after 20 minutes unconscious and had to be transfered by a helicopter to the hospital. He is fortunately alive and hopefully will recover soon. It just made me think, how great men, compete and race, risk their own life, go for the victory, get passionate, give everything! Even if they fall in the end and have to be carried away from the scene. These people in Greece we call "Heroes". And it is very inspirational to know that "heroes" still exist. So I go back to my writing.