Per aspera ad astra [Through hardships to the stars]

Only a month after my start of the new job and I received the good news of a pay rise and an upcoming promotion; to reward my hard work, my dedication and enthusiasm, they said. These single traces have always characterized me in all aspects of my life (in rowing, running, studying or working); giving my everything, taking it to the limits of efficiency and quality, improving constantly, competing with my own self even in the absence of external pressure or instruction. 

A rowing coach of mine used to shout at us "Empty the tanks" before the finish line at rowing races; this means give everything you have when you think you have ran out of energy. It used to be my favourite motto and I was thinking it to myself when I was running the last miles of the Paris marathon, too.

Forgive me for saying all these, do not mistake me for a pretentious arrogant person. I am not implying I am perfect, or that it has been easy on me. Being career-oriented and a high-achiever at professional level has been at the expense of other pleasures in life. I have always believed that nothing comes easy, nothing comes for free. It takes a whole lot of sacrifice, persistence and self-motivation to keep going when others have given up, but  this is how you reach to the stars. Another saying goes like "Aim for the sky and you might hit the stars".  I think the stars is where I want to be...!

Ultimately happy and seriously tired...

Why I hate June 13th

You were a girl who wanted to become a doctor. You went to one of the Northeastern European countries to study medicine to make your dreams come true. You used to give me advice and courage whenever I was getting stressed with school exams or university lectures. You believed in me, because we were in the same field of expertise and knew how to appreciate the efforts and sacrifice one has to put in order to achieve their goals. You came back to Greece to settle down, found the love of your life and got married soon after. You were so excited to have started decorating your new place and got a cool job as a doctor in a busy hospital. You were looking forward to living the life you had dreamt.

We received the news exactly eight years ago that you had a tragic accident  when you were going on a day trip with your husband on a motorcycle.  You were almost thirty years old and left your last breath on some national road outside Athens.  He was fine. You never came back from this trip. You are terribly missed and always will be. For all the dreams you made and never came true. For all the love and happiness you missed. For all the joy you didn't give us and could have. Life is unfair and has no logic and no sense of justice sometimes. It seems like yesterday but it is not. It is eight whole years without you and still have no explanation why this had to happen. Time flies, life goes on but you are not here anymore. And nothing will ever be the same.

Tongo ice cream

Tongo used to be my favourite ice-cream when I was a kid; rich banana flavour with a touch of chocolate in the shape of a smiley banana. The taste came instantly in my mouth only at the sight of it when I visited the shop around my summerhouse to buy newspapers. It's been years since I've had one.

A taste, an image, a smell that brings back thousands of happy memories from my childhood.  I eat my ice-cream by the beach, close my eyes and for an instant I feel like I am thirteen again, this young and restless girl who was dreaming and reading.  How much have changed since then and how much I've stayed the same person at the same time...

Not someone like you

There is a guy I have recently met. I thought I liked him a lot. I am trying hard not to fall for him because he reminds me of you. He is one year older than you. He smokes the same cigarettes like you did. He supports the same football team as you. He has exactly the same hobbies like you. Uses same phrases, same jokes, same looks.  And I don't want to like anyone who reminds me of you. 

He is affectionate and when I talk to him he looks me in the eyes with a big smile, just like you used to when you were in love with me. I hate it when he talks about his ideas, his life, his family and his dreams, cause he makes me listen to the things that made me love you. The truth is, if I hadn't met you, I would have fallen in love with him by now. But this time I know that no matter how caring and sensitive and loyal someone might seem in the beginning, he can prove to be the biggest liar of all in the end. Just like you.

He is trying to approach me and I am trying even harder to resist. And just like you were chasing me harder when I was pushing you away, he is now doing the same thing. Same vicious circle. But this time I am not falling for these seemingly nice guys like you were. I 've seen this before. It seems like the prototype was cloned in several copies and they all spread around the globe pretending to be innocent, sensitive and caring but in reality they are deceiving little monsters in a beautiful cover. 

He talks and I think to myself if you have all been programmed to say the same things, to have the same attitude and game in order to get a girl like me. But hey, you were the master of this role-playing, so I had a good teacher to learn from. And this is my game now.

Συγκάτοικοι είμαστε όλοι στην τρέλλα...!

Κάθε μέρα που πάω για δουλειά αποτελεί και μια καινούρια εμπειρία για μένα, καθώς συμβαίνουν διάφορα τραγελαφικά σκηνικά για γέλια ή και για κλάματα. Το λεωφορείο που παίρνω καλύπτει μια διαδρομή από τον Πειραιά ως την Κηφησιά, οπότε τις πρωινές ώρες μετακινούνται με αυτό τεράστιες μάζες ανθρώπων που πάνε απο τη μία άκρη της πόλης στην άλλη. Στοιβαγμένοι όλοι ο ένας δίπλα στον άλλον, ο ένας πάνω στον άλλον, σχεδόν νιώθω οτι πηγαίνουμε σα ζώα για σφαγή. Δε μιλάμε, δεν κουνιόμαστε, δεν παραπονιόμαστε, μόνο υπομονετικά περιμένουμε το τέλος του μαρτυρίου. Καραδοκούμε βέβαια όλοι σα τα κοράκια ποιός επιβάτης θα τύχει να σηκωθεί για να προλάβουμε μέσα απο τη στριμωξιά μας να χωθούμε και να πιάσουμε την θέση που απελευθερώνεται. 

Παππούδες και γιαγιάδες βρίζονται με νέους. Γυναίκες Ελληνίδες βρίζονται με αλλοδαπές. Σήμερα μια Φιλιπινέζα στεκόταν δίπλα μου και κοιτώντας έντονα εναν νεαρό στο απέναντι κάθισμα παραμιλούσε. Την κοιτάω να δώ τι λέει και ποιόν ακριβώς κοιτάει και γυρνάει λέγοντας μου "Αυτό έκει σκουλήκι στο μαλλιά του, να το πούμε? Έκει σκουλήκι". Όντως ο νεαρός είχε ένα μικρό άσπρο σκουλήκι που περπατούσε στα μαλλιά του, μάλλον απο κανένα φυτό ή δέντρο του έπεσε του άμοιρου και του έκανα νόημα οτι κάτι έχει για να το βγάλει.

Αργότερα μια άλλη γυναίκα είχε στριμωχτεί τόσο πολύ μπροστά στην έξοδο του λεωφορείου που καθώς πήγε να ανοίξει η πόρτα σφήνωσε το χέρι της και κόντευε να πολτοποιηθεί. Άρχισε τότε να φωνάζει και να τσιρίζει τόσο τραγικά που από την τρομάρα μου έκλεισα αντανακλαστικά τα αυτιά μου με τα χέρια μου, γιατί από την κραυγή της μου ήρθε η εικόνα του κομμένου χεριού της να εκσφενδονίζεται και τα αίματα να αναβλύζουν πάνω μας. Φυσικά τίποτα από αυτό δεν έγινε, ο οδηγός έκλεισε την πόρτα στο άκουσμά της και αυτή απλά είπε ένα "'Αει στο διάολο" στην πόρτα και συνεχίσαμε το ταξίδι μας. 

Μερικές φορές αισθάνομαι σα να μπαίνω στο σχολικό μου, γιατί πολλούς επιβάτες τους βλέπω κάθε μέρα και τους αναγνωρίζω πλέον και είναι σαν να πηγαίνουμε όλοι μαζί σε μια εκπαιδευτική εκδρομή, οπότε αν κάποιος λείπει παίρνω απουσίες. Τουλάχιστον όταν βρίσκω νωρίς θέση να κάτσω έχω σχεδόν μια ολόκληρη ώρα μπροστά μου μέχρι να φτάσω, οπότε κάθομαι και διαβάζω τα βιβλία μου που τόσο είχα πεθυμήσει. Ειδικά τώρα με τους αγανακτησμένους που κλείνουν τους δρόμους, το ταξίδι της επιστροφής στο σπίτι κρατάει πολύ περισσότερο, οπότε  φτάνω στο σπίτι γεμάτη νεύρα και εμπειρίες...