A beautiful dream

It's been a cold rainy day today in London. I fell asleep in the afternoon under the warm duvet. It is a small treat I allow myself to in the weekends. I dreamt the most beautiful dream in ages and woke up with such a pleasant peaceful feeling. I was in a garden with tall trees and fountains and exotic animals. It was almost sunset. The warm but light rain was falling and all the exotic birds had come out to the garden for a stroll. I was walking around them feeling blessed by the rain. I was feeling so happy in this magical scenery that I felt like running and running and running all around these beautiful places. I was running fast after a long time of absence and my legs felt activated again. All my muscles felt like stretching. It was the feeling of freedom, of happiness, of letting go, of breathing the fresh air, of liberation....

Then I woke up and it was time to get up and ready for some London clubbing! But this dream stayed with me for the rest of the night. I am free.

Are you hungry?

This is a quick recipe if you re hungry and would like something healthy, tasty and fast. I've called it "Green salmon", because it combines several different green leaves and beans to increase the vitamin uptake! It is dead easy to make. Salmon fillet was marinated in olive oil and soy sauce and grilled for 10 minutes. Then I made the salad with rocket, spinach, lettuce and some wild leaves, dressed with olive oil and vinegar and topped with avocado. In the meantime, I boiled a bunch of fine green beans and served them on the side of my dish. Preparation time : 20 minutes overall. Eaten this delicious dish: 5 minutes. Approximate cost: 5£. Made in heaven!

A week in December

I'm reading the book "A week in December" by Sebastian Faulks. I've previously read and loved his "Human Traces" so when I saw his last book in the bookstore selves I had no second thought in buying it. Seven characters. All different. Their life unfolding in seven days in the wintery London a week before Christmas 2007.

I am reading from the book: "Whatever in their inner landscape had predisposed them both to dependency was now beside the point. To be that much in love was not good for you. It wasn't healthy. The likelihood of what doctors called a 'good outcome' was slight, and this much Gabriel recognised even at the time"...

Washington DC, USA in November 2008

This one is for you my love

I love you. And I miss you so much. I really do miss everything about you, stupid boy. You are everywhere. In my mind, in my dreams, in everyone that I meet. I wish things were different. I wish the door opened and it was you. And it was just you and me. Forever and always. You and me and no-one else. But you don't come through the door. You are nowhere. I don't know what you 're doing, where you are, if you re thinking of me, if you are happy, if you love me. Did you ever love me?

You used to say that I was your everything, then how can you live without me now? Were you really ever in love with me? Or was it all in my mind? Is it all in my mind? Then why can I not let go? I keep telling myself to let go, but she don't listen. I can't... I feel as if you 've put me against the wall and shot me, now I am dead for you, I don't exist in your universe, there is no way our two worlds will meet again. I feel I can't approach you anymore, no matter what I do, I am just a ghost. Is that how it is?

Gosh, I hate to be so pathetic. So miserable. Why do we let some people have such a devastating effect in our lives? In our self-esteem? I always thought I was independent and dynamic, well I am. I have a good job, I pay for my expenses, I travel, I can do whatever I chose. How have I become so weak in this case? I need to find the power of good-bye, of letting go, of moving on! And I am looking forward to the times I will be reading this and laughing hard at how foolish I have been.