This one is for you my love

I love you. And I miss you so much. I really do miss everything about you, stupid boy. You are everywhere. In my mind, in my dreams, in everyone that I meet. I wish things were different. I wish the door opened and it was you. And it was just you and me. Forever and always. You and me and no-one else. But you don't come through the door. You are nowhere. I don't know what you 're doing, where you are, if you re thinking of me, if you are happy, if you love me. Did you ever love me?

You used to say that I was your everything, then how can you live without me now? Were you really ever in love with me? Or was it all in my mind? Is it all in my mind? Then why can I not let go? I keep telling myself to let go, but she don't listen. I can't... I feel as if you 've put me against the wall and shot me, now I am dead for you, I don't exist in your universe, there is no way our two worlds will meet again. I feel I can't approach you anymore, no matter what I do, I am just a ghost. Is that how it is?

Gosh, I hate to be so pathetic. So miserable. Why do we let some people have such a devastating effect in our lives? In our self-esteem? I always thought I was independent and dynamic, well I am. I have a good job, I pay for my expenses, I travel, I can do whatever I chose. How have I become so weak in this case? I need to find the power of good-bye, of letting go, of moving on! And I am looking forward to the times I will be reading this and laughing hard at how foolish I have been.