Acknowledgements to an unknown audience

This is probably my last post for this month. And the last of a series of posts that marked a difficult phase of my life (like all big changes and transitional stages are supposed to be). But here is a piece of good news. 

I have a personal best regarding my blog readership stats. First, I have already posted ten times this month, more than any other month. Moreover, I have had 702 total views of my blog, about 300 of them only in the past two months. This is so exciting! My readership percentages go up.

I thought no one was actually reading my diary. I just found blogging as a way to express my deeper thoughts and feelings either by personal posts, photos or songs. Very rarely my readers leave any comments so I wouldn't really know if anyone is reading. And I never have had any feedback, so I don't really know if anyone likes what they read or not. Some friends' comments do not count as feedback because they are biased and they would always have a good word to say for their dear friend, wouldn't they?

Anyhow, this is just a post to say a big thank you to all who have been reading. It has been a difficult time for me lately and it's been comforting to know that there are people out there who read whatever I have to say or show them. People who have never known me, or people who have known some other sides of mine in real life. Well, whoever and wherever you are, thank you for being here. Keep reading. The spring is already here and has changed my mood.

Love,

K

The photo was taken at Aigion, March 27th 2011 by Katbili. Click on the photo to enlarge.

It is not the mountains we conquer, but ourselves.

That was said by Edmund Hillary, the famous mountaineer/hiker from New Zealand, explorer and philanthropist.

Last weekend, I went hiking to Mainalo mountain, located at the region of Arcadia, in Peloponesse. The hike was organised by the Greek Mountaineering Association of Athens and made for a brilliant time. Coniferous woods covered by snow, light drizzling for most of the hiking up to the shelter and thick fog, blocking out every sun light. 

We started from an altitude of 1,100 metres at the village of Alonistaina and hiked one behind the other in a team of about 40 people up to 1,800 metres. The snow was thick and my feet and hands became so cold that made me wish I had never done that.

Hiking in the snow requires very good preparation in terms of having the right shoes, protective water-proof clothing and accessories. Otherwise, it all becomes a misery. I had not been very well organized cause I thought it would be a stroll in the woods in the sunny Greek fields. I proved to be wrong and paid for it.

But it is not the mountains, it is ourselves. So I didn't give up halfway through the route when we were given the option to climb on the bus. I made the whole route of 7 hours in total, that ended down to the village of Levidi. We all went for dinner to a nice taverna with grilled meat and fresh salad followed by some local rose wine. It was a bless. Best day out, even in the freezing cold, but made me feel so refreshed, so proud, so strong!

I am looking forward to more hiking in the numerous mountains that Greece has to offer!

Photos on a cold day of March 2011 in Arkadia.

Playing with light and speed

On the way back from my weekend trip, I was sitting in the coach by myself, listening to my iPod. It was Sunday night and everyone was taking a nap in the seats around me or talking on the phone with their loved ones. I felt a bit miserable and nostalgic for a while. But then I got a great idea. I took my camera out and decided to play with the exposure and the light reflected from the passing cars on the dark highway. The result was exciting, amazing, more than interesting and kept me entertained until the bus made it back to Athens. Here is a sample of the numerous photos I took. I hope you enjoy them. At least I did!

Peaceful abandonement

I took the weekend off to visit our summerhouse at the north of Peloponnese (Peloponisos, Πελοπόνησος) in a small village called Elaionas, near the city of Aigio (Eghio, Άιγιο). The name Elaionas comes from the word "έλαιο" and was named after the many olive trees that flourish in the area. It was so beautiful and relaxing to be there. The sea was calm and had a silverish blue colour, the mountain tops far ahead in the horizon were snow white and it was so peaceful and quiet all around...I wonder why we don't live here for ever!

I hope you enjoy these photos. Click on the photo if you want to see an enlarged version. More images will follow, as I am planning to visit this place as often as possible!

The Phoenix from the flame

Troy - Sinead O'Connor [lyrics]

 

I'll remember it

And Dublin in a rainstorm

And sitting in the long grass in summer

Keeping warm

I'll remember it every restless night

We were so young then

We thought that everything we could possibly do was right

Then we moved stolen from our very eyes

And I wondered where you went to

Tell me when did the light die

You will rise, You'll return

The phoenix from the flame

You will learn, You will rise, You'll return

Being what you are

There is no other Troy for you to burn

And I never meant to hurt you

I swear I didn't mean those things I said

I never meant to do that to you

Next time I'll keep my hands to myself instead

Oh, does she love you?

What do you want to do?

Does she need you like I do?

Do you love her?

Is she good for you?

Does she hold you like I do?

Do you want me?

Should I leave?

I know you're always telling me

That you love me

Just sometimes I wonder If I should believe

Oh, I love you

God, I love you

I'd kill a dragon for you

I'll die

But I will rise

And I will return

The Phoenix from the flame

I have learned

I will rise

And you'll see me return

Being what I am

There is no other Troy

For me to burn

And you should've left the light on

You should've left the light on

Then I wouldn't have tried

And you'd never have known

And I wouldn't have pulled you tighter

No I wouldn't have pulled you close

I wouldn't have screamed

No I can't let you go

And the door wasn't closed

No I wouldn't have pulled you to me

No I wouldn't have kissed your face

You wouldn't have begged me to hold you

If we hadn't been there in the first place

Ah but I know you wanted me to be there

Every look that you threw told me so

But you should've left the light on

You should've left the light on

And the flames burned away

But you're still spitting fire

Make no difference what you say

You're still a liar

You're still a liar

Only in the summer

Being back to my country has not been easy. It does't even feel as being "back where I belong", that this is my home, my people, my place. Nothing is the same. To what I expected, imagined or deserved.

I am not part of the mentality that currently prevails in Greece, the misery, the blaming, the depression, the aggressiveness, the hate. Most people have encouraged me to leave the country again and pursue my interests in Europe or USA. They are right.

They ask what the hell was my good reason for coming back to this mess. Hope. It was. The hope for a better quality of life. For happiness. I don't say anything. My reasons now sound ridiculous and overly romantic, almost surreal, even to my own ears. I don't dare say anything to anyone. No explanations. I just watch them devalue my efforts and enthusiasm. And I smile back.

I have applied to several jobs in Greece. No response. Today I started applying for jobs in London and California. And the hunt goes on. I don't belong anywhere afterall. How foolish I've been. I have now seen what the situation is here and it is about time I realized my move was a big mistake.

I am counting down another 30 days and then I am gone again. No one will notice that I was here, or at least most of the people. And those who did, those who cherished the fact I was around them again, I am taking their love with me, with a promise that I will be visiting every summer. When the sun shines and everything is warm and beautiful...

The photo was taken by me at a shopping mall in New York city, 2009

I love you. I will never forgive that you let me go.

15 years later. January 2026. He's married with a kid and I am in Athens, single, never married and independent. We happened to reconnect somewhere around 2020, but I didn't want to go through this again. I would not allow myself to fall for any man again the way I did back then. Sometimes I do wonder how different my life would have been should you not have left me and I am kind of glad that you did, afterall!